There is an overpowering love that comes with the birth and welcome of a child. Curly hair, tiny feet and little eyes needing of all the care and protection there is to offer. Before you know it they start to grow so fast and you are constantly awed at how quick they start to adapt to and interact with the world around them.
Shoulders high as you walk your kid to kindergarten. It is the first day of school. Your baby has begun life’s journey. You are somewhat afraid to let go and another part of you is saying ‘ah I will rest from your ‘wahala’ for a few hours’. Soon mini you is in nursery! Curious with a fertile mind. Disturbing the entire household with all the nursery rhymes and alphabets. Time passes so quickly.
A few weeks ago I came across a Chinese Instagram video of a mum and her daughter no more than 3 years old.
Mum: Sakura, when a strange man comes to and says ‘ let’s go get ice cream’ what do you say?
Sakura: Yes
Mum: Sakura you say ‘No’ (andayo)
Mum: Sakura, when a strange man comes to you and says ‘let’s go swimming’ what do you say?
Sakura: Yes!
Mum: No Sakura, you say ‘No’ (andayo)
Mum: Sakura, when a strange man comes to you and says ‘let’s go get sweets’ what do you say?
Sakura: Yes, I like sweets
Mum: Noooo Sakura, you say ‘No, go away’
Then she repeats the questions
Mum: Sakura, when a strange man comes to and says ‘let’s go get ice cream’ what do you say?
Sakura: Andayo!
Mum: Sakura, when a strange man comes to you and says ‘let’s go swimming’ what do you say?
Sakura: Oh that would be nice.
Mum: No Sakura, you say ‘No’ (andayo)
Mum: Sakura, when a strange man comes to you and says ‘let’s go get sweets’ what do you say?
Sakura: Andayo!
Studies indicate that children are most impressionable in their early years up till about age six and if strong bonds and relationships are not established by age six, that child may have been lost! Parents are often of the notion that kids do not know much, they are just kids! This is a very dangerous and risky mindset to have. Children observe everything. Want to know everything and if they do not find answers within the home or school they resort to the environment for answers.
For a parent to win a child’s trust, that parent must constantly come down to the child’s level. Constant conversations must be sparked around everything within and somewhat above the child’s reasoning. There must be room for expression for guidance and correction. This open communication and feedback channel helps wade impending or occurring danger off the child. This requires constant time investment
My aunt is a psychologist by profession and chose to work with children. She was a teacher in one of the premium primary schools in Lagos teaching six year olds. She noticed a confusing trend in one of her girls. The little girl will request to use the restroom and be gone for long. One day my aunt decided to go after her only to realize the child was touching herself. On asking her why she was doing what she was doing, the little girl in all of her innocence responded ‘ uncle Paul does it to me and I like it’. Uncle Paul was the family driver. The family was well to do but clearly time and communication with the child was lacking. The parents were quickly alerted but the damage had been done.
Parents are fond of over shielding children from the realities of life and the environment. With the advent of technology and it’s advancement, information and influence is easily accessible and shareable. There is therefore need to gain the upper advantage of being the first and final point of call for the child on all matters. This requires trust, commitment and two-way communication. Don’t just say ‘ Don’t do this!’ or ‘Don’t do that!’ without making the child see reasons why. The two sides of the coin and guidance on what side to choose.
The society is constantly turning out dysfunctional adults with issues that can be traced to their foundational years. A house cannot stand except its foundation be solid. Solid foundations build strong and independent personalities and characters. Able to draw the line between right from wrong, think, process and attempt to always try to make the right call. We must all strive to get it right with our children early else we would have failed them as parents.
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